Number Two of the Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time

Well guys, this will be the last long day of my ride, as I’ll be traveling from Canajoharie, NY to Scotia, NY.

Number 2: We All Have Fluffy Bunny Days

This one doesn’t even need a description, really. It’s the little things - we can’t all be perfect. At the end of a long day, you may just be chanting to turn a red light into a green one, or to turn someone into a frog. Or maybe you’re around other witches, those who lean towards the Fluffy Bunny path, and suddenly you’re spouting the wisdom of the Divinity of Creativity (which isn’t a bad concept!) and then comes your downfall: you, or someone else, suddenly has an astral pet.

Hopefully, it won’t go as far as you claiming that you’ve had sex with a god and had an astral baby that you care for while you sleep that will become a demi-god and rule the earth. That’s pushing it.

But it may be as simple as looking a little too closely at blobs on a picture and deciding you’ve found your guardian angel. (Don’t you see it? It’s that blob just above my shoulder!)

Just remember. Your soul is not like a toaster.

Blessed Be!

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Number Three of the Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time

Well, readers, I can assure you that my butt will be rather sore today as I transverse the miles between Rome, Ny and Canajoharie, NY, into the southern Adirondacks.

Number 3: Fundies Never Change

This doesn’t just go for Christian fundamentalists, but any fundamentalists. They always use the same arguments, because that’s what they’re trained to do. And their closed minds may piss you off, but battering them with your own wit isn’t going to make those iron doors open.

We all get almost a conversionary zeal sometimes in defending our own path. It’s what we know to be natural and right, and when we hear things like, “You’re going to hell because the Bible is God’s Word, and all men fall short of the glory of god. Repent, sinner, and cast your cries to Jesus to make your life better…” it can piss us off, especially at the end of a long day. They may be on the street, on the phone, or on your favorite forums, but its always wise to remind yourself that it’s best to back away.

It can feel so good though, to throw their words back at them, to use their own weapon (the Bible) against them. Even I slip occasionally - just the other day I was forced to email a fundie who ran a website and had insulted the 13 Principles by misinterpreting them beyond the normal standards. I believe the man had related the third principle, about the respecting the world in which we live, to abortion. Apparently, caring for the environment murders babies. Who knew.

Anyway, the point is, the best we can do is say, “You have your way and I have mine. May you walk a long and fruitful path that does not cross with mine again.” And pray for the gods to open their hearts - much as, I’m sure, they’ll be praying for Jesus to open yours.

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Number Four of the Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time

Today? I’m bicycling from Syracuse, NY, to Fort Stanwix in Rome, NY.

Number 4: Sometimes, Interruptions Are The Will Of The Gods

You lock the door, you turn off the phone’s ringer, you tell everyone that you will be out for the night, or that you’re sick and shouldn’t be disturbed. You’re in your ritual room, you’re skyclad, you’re casting, and suddenly, you’re overcome by a fit of sneezing and a case of violent diarrhea.

You make your partner promise to keep the kids out of the room so you can do some meditation. You close the windows, turn on your soft music, close your eyes. A few minutes go by and you finally begin to sink into your meditation, when suddenly your neighbors’ children begin practicing with their metal band.

Let’s face it - the actually perfect places are few and far between. The only time you may even have a chance of that is by being alone in the middle of nowhere on property that is yours. And even then, a wild boar may come racing through the middle of your circle, followed closely by a hunter decked out in camo, wondering what he just stumbled onto as you race for your robe.

But then again, what would life be without all of those little interruptions? That’s right. No fun.

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Number Five of the Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time

Well, to keep in line with my updates, today should be the day that I am bicycling from Seneca Falls, NY, to Syracuse, NY.

Number 5: You Will Never Break The Habit Of Using “Jesus Christ!” While Cursing

I know I haven’t. And it’s not just that. It’s basic Christian references in every day life. If you’re trying really hard to, I suppose you could. But what it boils down to is that the American culture goes hand in hand with its Christian undertones. We can fight it all we want, choosing to use the German words for “Bless You” when someone sneezes, but all that really does is make you feel better.

You have to remember that we’re not meant to be a mainstream religion and a mainstream movement. Would you really want the entire world going “Goddess Bless!” when someone sneezed? Or sayings, “merry part!” as a goodbye? That is our culture, and we should use it when we’re among friends.

There’s no reason to be ashamed of “taking the Lord’s name in vain” when you stub your toe. This really falls under the ‘practical’ heading of paganism. We are not always what our culture makes us, but much of the time, little things like that get into our heads and can’t get out. When your boss, your coworkers, your family use the expressions that may have come from Christianity, or Judaism, or any other religion, but many, many people use them, it is no longer an exclusively religious expression. It has become, through mainstream acceptance, a cultural expression, thereby alleviating the guilt when a pagan(or a jew or a hindu or a muslim) yells “Jesus F$%$%$% Christ!”

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Number Six of the Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time

For those interested, I will be bicycling from Medina, NY to Seneca Falls, NY today.

Number 6: Everything does not boil down to “Possession!!!”

I don’t believe I’ve mentioned my rather embarrassing story on this blog yet, but I suppose I will have to, as it is an important lesson. The reason I harp on group dynamics and fluffy bunny stuff so much is that we all fall victim to it. I was no better a few years ago, when I managed to call my High Priest in fear, and the first words out of my mouth were, “Umm…umm….Possession!”

The story goes like this. A fellow covener and I had a third friend over to my house to hang out. This third friend, whom I will call Jill for the sake of this story, was having a very rough time at home, in school, and in life in general. I believe there was evidence of cutting herself on her arms or on her legs, among the other signs of depression, anxiety and general looking-for-attention behaviors that many teenagers exhibit in one point or another of their lives. We will call the fellow covener, Mary.

So Mary and Jill and I went down to my basement, which also served as our ritual room. I believe Jill may have been interested in joining the coven with us, and we may have turned the conversation towards something of that nature. One thing lead to another, and eventually Jill radically altered her behavior, explaining that she was a man-spirit inside of Jill. Mary and I, ever the helpful people, tried to remove this malevolent being from poor Jill’s body.

You should have seen us. We tried forcing Jill to drink our cleansed water. We had to chase her around because s/he wouldn’t stay still. At one point, s/he said to us that s/he wouldn’t leave Jill’s body until one of us kissed her. At one point, I think we even tried to bleed the spirit out of her with a thumb tack.

Back to the story. So my high priest answers the phone, and after hearing me say that, proceeded to yell and lecture me for about a half hour, beginning with “Wait. Stop.” and ending with, “You better like the pair of underwear that you’re wearing, because by the time I’m done with you, it will most likely be the last pair you’re wearing.”

Thinking back, that end line may have been the second phone call to him. We actually called him twice - apparently the first time of him yelling wasn’t enough to get it through our heads that “Jill” just wanted attention. Boy though, I was 20 feet away from the other two on the phone and they could hear every word that he was saying, crystal clear, he was yelling so loud.

Needless to say, I have since learned basic psychology principles as well as picked up a little bit of common sense. I am not ruling out the concept or occurrence of possession, mind you, merely pointing out that it is a very, very rare happening.

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Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time « Pagan Pages.

Number Seven of the Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time

For those of you interested, I will be bicycling from Medina, NY, to Pittsford, NY this morning and afternoon.

Number 7: Witches + Grammar = Bad

This post could also be known as: Memorizing The 13 Principles? Are You Nuts?!

But, having immersed myself in Pagan Literature (the classics, mind you), I’ve found that we do indeed have a horrible sense of grammar. I’m not sure who our magical ancestors were trying to impress with the “thees” and “thous”, but it gives me a headache sometimes just trying to remember exactly how a particular text goes. The best example out of the principles is probably number nine, which states:

We believe in the affirmation and fulfillment of life in a continuation of evolution and development of consciousness giving meaning to the Universe we know and our personal role within it.

Who writes like that?1 There are too many little bits to that one sentence for it to make sense in the first three or four times you read it. I understand it, but that’s after having looked at it for nigh on six or seven years. The Old Laws, of which I do not have a copy posted on this site, are no better, nor are some parts of the Charge of the Goddess, or even the Wiccan Rede. We get too wrapped up in our own words, sometimes, for what we’re saying to make any sort of simple sense.

Even the second part of the Charge is a bit of a tongue twister:

Hear ye the Words of the Star Goddess: She in the Dust of Whose Feet are the Hosts of Heaven, Whose Body encircleth the Universe.

Try saying that five times fast. Or how about this? Do we not believe in using ” ’s “?

For Mine is the Secret Door which opens upon the Land of Youth; and Mine is the Cup of the Wine of Life, and the Cauldron of Cerridwen, which is the Holy Grail of Immortality.

Cup of the Wine of Life. Need I say more?

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Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time « Pagan Pages.

Number Eight of the Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time

For those interested, today is the day that I will be bicycling from Buffalo, NY, to Medina, NY.

Number 8: Your Familiar Will Still Pee In Your Shoes

Let’s face it - besides all of my previous posts (I think there were one or two) about familiars, familiars still are, at their base, pets. The closest thing I have to a familiar, my dog, is still a dog. He wants his walk every day, he wants to play when he wants to play, and when I go away, he is very, very sad. As a college student, and an active one at that, it seems like I’m leaving for a week or a weekend every few weeks in the summer and in the winter, and in the fall and spring, I’m constantly back and forth between college and home, sometimes going 2-3 weeks without making it home to see my family.

This dog with his big brown eyes and lanky body will still pee on my property when he gets jealous or upset. As I’m sure that the black cat that you own will throw up in your shoes, or be kind enough to leave a hairball right where you step down off of your bed in the morning. Being a familiar means that they get to take part in your rituals, in your spiritual journeys. And on those planes, and in those situations, those animals may be the best friends you’ll ever have.

Your dog may growl at unseen enemies each night and keep watch over you as you sleep - but if you don’t fill his water bowl correctly, don’t be surprised if it (or he!) comes back a little bit later to bite you in the ass.

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Number Nine of the Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time

Welcome to my first day away! Here is number nine.

The Only Difference Between Skyclad and Not, Is What Burns First

Well, that one is pretty much…we’ve all been there. You knock over a candle or bring that incense a little too close to your skin, and suddenly you’re cursing the Charge of the Goddess, which boldly states that to be free, we must be skyclad in our rites.

For those visiting, I’d like to explain a bit. “Skyclad” is the witch-word for naked as the day you were born. We ideally practice skyclad. This is in part based on Gerald Gardner’s exclamation in Witchcraft Today that the energy from our rites functions better when it exudes off of our skin, instead of being trapped underneath clothes. A lot of public pagan rites tend to favor medieval dress, probably because it’s nice looking, obscure enough, and makes us feel pretty.

Skyclad is surprisingly hard to achieve when you’re a city witch, or not quite independent - in college, or living with other people who don’t share your views (parents, sexual partner, etc). The room you’re occupying always has a chance to be knocked upon, even if you tell them you’re trying to sleep, and nothing disturbs a good, bare ass naked meditation like cheering from the next room as the Yankees hit another home run.

But even beyond that, when a skyclad ritual is headed towards successful, there are infinite more dangers to be aware of. The dresser that sits behind you has corners that are a lot more painful on your bare skin than they are behind a padding of denim. And most importantly? The candles. I’ve usually got at least 7 going - three on the altar, and one in each direction. That’s a lot of heat, and in a small room, that’s a lot of chance for hair or skin to get caught on fire. Even hot wax can hit sensitive bits of your body, or burning ash from incense.

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Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time « Pagan Pages.

Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time

Hey guys -

No worries. I may have mentioned that my bicycling trip from Buffalo to Albany is taking place soon (As in, I leave tomorrow) but there shouldn’t be a lack of posting. I’m going to set my friend up to post on my behalf pre-written things to keep you all entertained while I work my butt off over 400 miles of New York. I believe it is going to be a top ten list, as I will be gone starting tomorrow, the fifth, and won’t return until July 13th. With that in mind, here is the first of my completely arbitrary, just now composed list of the Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time.

Number 10: Cleansing is not the “Cure All”

I know that we’ve all had our days where everything has just gone wrong. Where no matter what you do, even the simple acts of grounding and centering yourself seem forced, if you can do them at all. The people in your life are grouchy, you can’t seem to get yourself out of a hole you’ve dug, and all you want to do is start over.

I know what ails you: Life. And let me tell you, from at least my experience, cleansing is not a cure all. What I’ve found, at least, is that the actual act of cleansing is a great idea - as long as the space is entirely your own. But when you cleanse something else - say, a shared dorm room - you may find that things only get worse.

Just a theory of mine, and it may not be shared by others, but I think that when you cleanse something that is not yours, you put your footprint on it. And with that footprint comes your sudden ability to heft the karma of that particular space onto your own shoulders. And suddenly, you’re feeling the urge to drink if your roommate is an alcoholic, or the urge to bitch if your shared office space is used to voice complaints in.

Sometimes, the best you can do is ride the waves. We, as witches, are supposed to be masters of our own reality, able to pick and choose where we want to walk. But, it’s a work in progress. Perhaps a cleansing followed by physical steps taken to remove the ill - a talk with your roommate or coworker - may better serve to fix the problem. After all, if all we hand to do was sprinkle some salt and water, and cense some incense around to fix all of our problems, let’s face it: Life would be no fun.

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Top Ten Things A Witch Learns Over Time « Pagan Pages.

What If We’re Wrong?

Don’t take this post as a doubt of where I’m headed in life. I’m merely responding to one of those search terms that brought someone to my website. And the search term? “Pagan fear of hell”.

I’d suggest covering your own ass, and becoming Christian and Pagan at the same time in some fashion, as some choose to do.  Personally, I find that exceptionally ill advised, as the two spiritualities do operate on fundamental differences.

Or maybe you’ll be pagan until the moment you die, and then you’ll ask forgiveness from Jesus as you breathe your last breath.  Also ill advised, as the lack of loyalty you’ve shown to either side will win you no favors.

Maybe you’ll heed the 13 Principles in that life is about balance, and there is no absolute evil in this world.

Or maybe you’ll think to yourself, “I’ve lived a good life.  God(s) will understand and respect and reward me.”

I tend towards the last two, but leave you with this question.  If you were raised in a society not dominated by Christian culture everywhere you go, be it Main Street or a history book, would that ‘fear of hell’ really be an issue?  Or would it be treated like you do the other religions who claim that their way is the only way?