I’ve been noticing as of late that my mind and subconscious have slowly been forming ways to ease me into not feeling guilty about doing things that I should. One immediately comes to mind: I feel fatigued whenever I even think about doing something that I don’t want to do. I think this morning may be an exception – I’m just tired, but last night, mid day, and most other ‘free’ periods of my life, I immediately feel like I want a nap whenever I *should* be doing something else.
So, it made me wonder on my walk back, if I am procrastinating within the simpler realms of the physical and mental activities I must pursue, what am I taking shortcuts on spiritually? Turns out my life is like one of those casino machines where you send a coin flying and it goes through a maze to get to the bottom to try to push the other coins out. Sometimes you hit big and lots of coins fall to the floor, but other times, you just keep feeding in the coins and they start adding up. Isn’t it so frustrating when you keep trying and nothing comes of it?
We are, by nature, external beings. We want to see results for whatever we do. Especially with the emergence of the internet as an everyday tool, we are so expectant to see immediate results, that sometimes, when I check my email after an hour, I’m expecting a reply. I’m finding its important to tune that urge out. The tiredness though, is such a physical manifestation of my reluctance, that its hard to overcome. I shouldn’t have to overcome it. If I’m overcoming it, then my mind isn’t benefiting. All I’m doing is forcing myself.
So, instead, let’s turn to the three realms of the self and motivate them individually. I know, for example, that within the physical realm of my life, I have a hard time keeping a consistent diet and exercise plan to train for the upcoming biking season. But, I also know that when I exercise and eat properly:
- My digestion runs smoothly
- My energy levels remain consistent throughout the day
- I am stressed less easily
- I have a happier outlook on life
Within the mental realm of my life, I have trouble focusing for long periods of time on projects which don’t necessarily interest me as much as I’d like them to. My classes are interesting – the lectures are very comprehensive and engage my mind. However, the idea that I need to create lab reports and other repetitions of already acquired data is boring to me. However, I know that when I buckle down and do my work,
- I have more time to pursue what I want – even if its sleep
- I have less stress in my life
- I tend to be more creative
- I am happier and more secure
Within the spiritual realm of my life, I often find myself starting new projects in an attempt to get a new look on spiritual data. I have restarted my ‘herbs’ project at least 3 times now, each time, learning a little bit more, but not ever getting past a few entries or portions. This is not to say I can’t complete projects – I did successfully complete an entire project dedicated to Tarot, as well as an entire project dedicated to the energies of the Wheel of the Year. I do these in my own time, but such things as meditation, astral exploration…I tend to procrastinate. Its not that I don’t want to do these things, and they are often very rewarding. My mind and focus just seem to be in two different places. Projects in my spiritual realm have all sorts of benefits:
- I feel more confident along my path
- I am more focused
- I am less stressed
- I learn
So why, then, do we procrastinate? If anyone reading this has done a similar dissection of their lives, I think they’ll find that they have similar results – positive things come out of working hard. I think, for me, my procrastination stems from a mixture of boredom and fear of doing things incorrectly. In the physical realm – pushing myself too hard, to the point of exhaustion or injury. In the mental realm – burning myself out. And in the spiritual realm – falling so deep within ‘me’ that I can’t be focused on anything else.
I guess we have to walk the line in all things. After all, we are all about balance. I live my life methodically. That isn’t to say without passion, but much of what I find passion in, are things that others do not understand, or find boring. Likewise, I find the normal college activities like communal drinking, clubbing, and partying – boring. They are, in my mind, a useless social construct.
Well, I’ve written quite a bit now, so I think I’ll leave it at that. I’m at 800 words, so that’s about 300 more than I wanted to do.