Double Bind: Sex

I won’t go so far as to say I grew up in an active Christian household. But my parents, probably like the majority of Christians in America, hold the ideal that the most important, the only true religion, is Christianity, with one God, and Jesus. They never pushed it onto me – don’t get me wrong. But, between that overall feeling and the general atmosphere of my town, I learned two things:

  • Sex is bad.
  • Sex should not be mixed with religion.

Of course, Wicca teaches the opposite. Sex is a life affirming action that we respect and hold to be respected in the highest. Sex should be revered. I also learned something from growing up that is equally hard to overcome:

  • We don’t talk about sex.

Now, here, I come to a slight problem. Between these three, how am I supposed to perform any group ritual? All initiation rituals involve some sexual aspect to them. It is hard for me to come to terms with the idea that my rituals may turn me on. It seems as though the arousal would be distracting from the true purpose of the ritual. But is it?

I hesitate to speak of which parts of the rituals would leave me aroused, but suffice to say that there is always the possibility. Arousal aside, I see much of life being acted through various forms of domination/submission, some of which are played out in our rituals. Life, sex, and domination/submission go hand in hand in hand, and I realize that the acts are an integral part of not only our religion and its rituals, but also, life.

But, I am also working off of the assumption that purification, through the scourge, must be painful.  Pain is bad.  Therefore, purification must feel bad.  But…what if…we accept the pain for what it is?  Fear is the only thing that makes anything excessively painful.  So, if we switch up a few things, we solve the puzzle.

  • Pain is not bad.
  • Fear of pain makes it feel bad.
  • Purification does not have to feel bad.
  • Don’t fear purification.
  • Ritual does not have to be validated by painful purification.

Since sex was not painful, I did not before, classify it or arousal under “pure act”:

  • Sex is not bad, nor is it painful
  • Sex is okay to include in ritual
  • Sex is a pure act

Now of course, I understood these to a level before today.  But the change between understanding these concepts, and being comfortable with them is not always the easiest.  Does anyone else find themselves in a situation similar?

2 responses to “Double Bind: Sex

  1. Pingback: Accepting Sexuality « Pagan Pages

  2. I don’t think I been in a similar situation but growing up in a similar household, I can relate to being taught that sex is bad, no sex before marriage.

    The thing is that the more I got to talking to people about it and expanding my knowledge, the opposite starting to come out. Of course, through experience was another factor here.

    All in all, I would say that if something doesn’t seem right then you should step out of the comfort zone and find out what else is out there, the world is full of possibilities.

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