We value sex as pleasure, as the symbol and embodiment of life, and as one of the sources of energies used in magickal practice and religious worship.
I’m sure you’re familiar with my references to the 13 Principles by now. I noticed that, when I posted with “Sex” in the title, I got tons of hits. Probably from perverts (myself included) with google functions. But, that aside, I figured that since I got some hits, maybe I should touch on the subject again.
Sex is a great and wonderful thing. Accepting the sexual ideas that your mind creates, fantasizing and being able to experience those fantasies, either through solo or mutual pleasure, is a gift the gods have given us. But many people my age, younger, and older tend to be embarrassed about those sexual feelings, thoughts and urges. Especially women.
Even as pagans, the double binds that sex and sexuality place on us in the modern world can be trying. Especially if you find yourself intrigued, or turned on by specific, non-societally accepted actions or situations. Dominance, submission, rape fantasies, bondage, foot fetishes, furries, diapers, medical, anal – the list can go on for ages.
I, and I think the majority of the pagan community, at least, accept the following principle outside of the 13 Principles regarding sexuality. That is to say, that as long as a sexual situation is both consensual and enjoyable by all parties involved, it is an appropriate one.
But, if you’re like any number of people, you might still feel ashamed. After all, people make jokes about things that might turn you on. Ex: “Wow, she looks like shes on top at night”, and you want to jump up and say, “Yeah, we like it rough.”
There are two options in situations like these. You can either ‘come out’, and risk ridicule, or stay silent, and keep your friends in the dark. I tend to be open with my friends about my likes and dislikes, my kinks (which I will save for a blog where I don’t know people who read it in a professional/educational/fringe friend sense). But, no matter how open you are to your friends, you should most definitely be open to your partner.
If you are not very open in your relationship, a great way to start up the conversation is through text, over phone, or through IM. In all of these ways, you can begin to express your sexuality in a non-face-to-face manner, which may be what you need if you’re nervous.
Exploring your interests through online communities (clear your internet history if you want no one to be the wiser) or free, amateur pornography may also be options for either you as an individual or you and your partner. Most of the fetish communities, of which I’ve explored some for personal and / or research interests, are friendly and open to people who are open to them.
Similarly, purchasing related toys, gadgets, devices, or visual materials online or from your local adult store may also be options. Self-exploration and defining of limits in any sort of ‘kinky’ play is very important. When done correctly, any new experience can be wonderful.
Your sexuality is a gift from the gods. Don’t think of it as a burden. And, by way of common sense: if you’re horny (woman OR man), chances are your partner is too.