Today, I really wanted to write about cooking.  I even started to make my own recipe book – but my problem is that cooking is often difficult if you want to do it spontaneously.  You’re missing materials or are unsure of techniques.

And so, today, I think I want to talk about faith and instinct and dreams and what drives me.  I’ve always maintained that the Gods and the Universe have a sort of sense of humor, and also that everything works out, at least in the end.

We live in a weird sort of world.  The sort of world where everything can seem to be with us or against us at times.  The time where some of us can be scared, and have no one to turn to.  Where we feel like we’re alone – it’s me, versus the world.

I have a calling, deep inside of me.  It’s the calling that we all probably have.  I want to be a priestess beyond those twenty one days of official ritual.  I want to spend my days tending the sick and counseling the troubled, and I want to spend my nights in rituals.  I want to spend my weekends teaching classes and leading retreats.  I want to take a holistic approach to my job – when I have one.

I want to be that friend that someone can call, 24/7.  But that’s all I really want to do.  It’s all I’ll feel fulfilled, doing.  That’s why I’m not a technology major – its not my wrists and my bad eyes keeping me from making a killing on web design and programming.

Freelance writing – that’s what perpetuates my life, and has for many years.  That is fulfilling – to an extent.  I write here, about issues and spirituality, and this is what makes me happy.  When I write the other articles – on how to make your computer listen to you – they’re fun, but they’re just that: hollow.

I’m a biology major, and hopefully with that, I’ll move on to doing something that matters.  Maybe law.  Maybe management or advocacy for parks.  I’m not a psychology major, I’m not a sociology major; because those things make me sad.  They’re again – they’re hollow.

And the choices I’ve made up to this point – they tend to reflect that inner need to serve.  I can’t wait to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity again.  I’m taking my Bachelor of Science degree with a “minor” in Religion.  I try to keep the Order going, at least in a smaller version, online; while I work the larger version out in my head.

So there, that’s it.  My faith tells me that in the end, my position – my super secret dream – is that of a full time priestess – perhaps a bookstore owner.  Ideally, someday, I’d love to run an institution to teach Witches the leadership and counseling abilities needed to become a leader of the Craft.

Granted, that translates to living in debt for most of my life 😉


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