So, I have a bit of a personal story to tell here. It deals with some former friends of mine (let’s say… Karen, Molly, and Stephanie). We met in high school, and became close friends, and stayed that way throughout college. Every break, every summer, we hung out, watched movies, ate dinner, went to the beach… You get the point. We filmed musicals together, we went to concerts together… A little bit of everything.
About a year ago (May 2010), something happened which tore us apart. At one friend’s graduation party (We’ll call her Karen). Karen’s graduation party contained her family, her girlfriend, her girlfriend’s family, and a couple of friends, including myself. Karen asked me how my boyfriend was doing. I answered honestly – he had just changed jobs, and was having a rough time as a funeral home assistant – especially with the suicides. During saying this, Karen kept giving me weird looks, making “Cut it out!” motions with her hands… Stuff like that.
The conversation ended, life moved on, I thought nothing of it.
From that point forward, my text messages, calls, facebook messages, emails, all of it – were more or less ignored. I soon figured out that I had done something, and Karen had told the entire world, including the other two friends who were part of this supposed close knit group. And I was no longer wanted.
So I spent time with other friends(Arthur, Jackie, and Travis?), that summer of 2010. We camped, went to the beach and the movies, played games together, and generally had a LOT of fun.
In August, one of my “other” friends (Arthur?), the ones I had hung out with all summer, mentioned to me that Molly had told him why they were ignoring me: I was too immature for them.
My evil deed was apparently discussing my boyfriend’s job, in front of Karen’s girlfriend’s mother. You see, Karen’s girlfriend’s father had died (of cancer, not suicide)~ a year before that, and apparently, any mention of death was a touchy subject.
We of course, forget that I was asked to discuss my boyfriend’s life. And, of course, that the entire comment of mine lasted under 30 seconds.
So life goes on, and the week before I leave to move to my current location, I get a text message. Do I want to grab dinner? This is from the old group of friends. Well, why not? So I go. They spend the entire evening discussing what they did with each other that summer. Then more or less scheduled an adventure to a book store for later that week.
I’m told a couple of days later that if I want to come to the bookstore, I need to drive myself, because, well, they don’t have room in the car for me.
So, let’s skip a couple of months here.
Winter comes and goes, and a few texts, a phone call here or there, or maybe an IM – they get answered (nonchalantly) or ignored altogether. My view is, if they want to have a quality friendship, they need to apologize.
Spring arrives, and so does a text message, a couple of weeks ago, from Karen. “Hey, I know we haven’t talked in eight months, but, I heard of something really funny that you should get your boyfriend to try! Take alkaseltzer and put it in the holy water at a church!”
…Yup. I’m the immature one.
Now, granted, I’ve been having a hard time letting this go. People just don’t… unfriend me, you know? I’m a good friend. I’m funny. I’m kind. I’ll do pretty much anything to help you out. It’s been a year and it still stings. I just don’t have the closure that I feel like I need. Especially when something so trivial gets sent to me. Like, “Heyy… Um… So… Let’s forget what happened!” No, thank you.
Anyway, let’s talk about the spiritual implications of this. It’s really taught me that as good as friends are, unless they accept you for who you are, it’s not going to last. It’s also taught me patience; and that age-old adage “If you don’t have anything nice to say… Don’t say anything at all.” Although holding my tongue is not as satisfying, it is certainly safer.
And finally, the gods always give a punch line! Irony, man, irony! Justice comes in many different ways.
I wish them the best of luck on their paths.