Today, I stood before the gods to say hello. It hasn’t been that long since I stood in a sacred space – maybe 5 or 6 days? But this time, I was happy and ready to celebrate today.
Today is a new year for us. And this is my year of renewal to my faith. This is my year of balance.
This time last year, I was lost and broken. I had lost two loved ones and had been treated very badly by my ex. Eleven days from now, my ex would be married to someone else, without even bothering to break up with me. But, eleven days from now, when he got married, I took the first step and broke up with him, then met with my first “other” man. In essence, we broke our bond that day.
Today, I took it a step further. Standing before the gods, I removed him from my life. Broke our bond. I am my own person. Whole and complete again. And I asked for the strength to make it through the times when I’m weak and I want to contact him.
This blog post is mostly a record of my celebration. I stepped from the shower and into a room, and said the following,
“Guardians of the (Direction), power of (Element), I call you – not cast a circle, but just to lend a listening ear.”
Moving around the room in all four directions, starting and ending in the North.
“Lord, Lady, Ancestors, I call to you – not to cast a circle, but just to lend a listening ear.”
And then I spoke for a while, about how I wanted to learn to conquer my anxieties and live a ‘quieter life’ – one where my addictions and responses to anxiety don’t rule my life quite as much as they do now. About how I wanted to refresh my memory on formal ritual, and how I wanted to teach, and write about Wicca. And then I thanked them all and went about my day.
I’ve quit caffeine, more or less, over the last few days; in part on purpose, but mostly because I ran out of caffeinated drinks I like and I’m too lazy to go buy more.
I’ve been songwriting, as usual. I wrote a good one last night. I hesitate to share, as I try to maintain my anonymity and I don’t want to help people find more about me than they should. I have nothing to hide, of course, its just that when I look for jobs in the future, I don’t want people to write me off because of my online presence.
Anyway, that’s my life update for Samhain. May you have a joyous and peaceful holiday.